TAKE TIME TO CELEBRATE YOUR FAMILY

Family

From the Guide to Parenting (By Shelley Butler and Deb Kraatz)

WHAT DOES FAMILY MEAN TO YOU?
Decide what "family" means to you. No matter what kind of family you grew up in or find yourself in now, you can follow your own dream of what family should be. Circumstances may change your family situation, but even so, many of the main ingredients of family can remain intact, including love, commitment, and the sharing of home, experience, history, and rituals.
—Ideas found in MOM'S HOUSE, DAD'S HOUSE by Isolina Ricci, Ph.D. Fireside, 1997.

REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS
• Children learn about who they are, how they are alike, and how they are different from other people. A sense of being part of something larger and a sense of individuality start in a healthy family.
• Children have a strong need to feel a sense of belonging. The family is the first group that children typically belong to and feel a sense of connection with. The connections that children make here can lead the way to a life full of connections, love, and interdependence.
• Connections within a family are key to children's well-being: children from homes with strong connections tend to have more confidence, happiness and success as adults; children from homes without a strong sense of family connection tend to be more fearful, anxious and depressed as adults.
• Family problems and stress happen. Families that expect problems and find ways to deal with them tend to be healthier.
• Real families rarely resemble TV families. In real life, it usually takes longer than 30 or 60 minutes to solve a problem.
• Creating a strong and connected family is something we all can do.

Excerpted with permission from THE FIELD GUIDE TO PARENTING;. Copyright © 2000 Chandler House Press

VALUES
teach your child the values of the family through everyday interactions and events. Set a positive example for your child in the way you handle everyday situations, in the things that you resolve to do, in the way you handle mistakes, in the commitments that you make, in the explanations you give, in interactions with family and friends, and in the importance that you place on family. For example, if a family value is to spend time together, and the evening dinner or story time is constantly interrupted with work-related phone calls, then your child may learn that family time is not as important as work. When your child sees you setting aside special time just for family, she learns that family is a priority.
—Ideas found in BECOMING THE PARENT YOU WANT TO BE by Laura Davis and Janis Keyser, Broadway Books, 1997.

DON'T BE TOO SERIOUS
Keep a sense of humor; it is essential. Over time, problems sometimes become funny family stories. It may take time to see the humour in it all, but look for opportunities to create a classic family story. Every family has them. Consider writing them down.
—Ideas found in I DIDN'T PLAN TO BE A WITCH: AND OTHER SURPRISES OF A JOYFUL MOTHER by Linda Eyre, Simon & Schuster, 1996.

FAMILY RITUALS
Strengthen family connections through rituals. A routine is something a person does regularly, like brushing his teeth. A family ritual is regular, deliberate, planned time together; it signifies something more important and has purpose.


What Makes A Strong Family

John Defrain, Extension Specialist, Family and Community Development.

Amazingly, when you ask people around the globe, "What makes your family strong?" the answers are remarkably similar from culture to culture. Our model of family strengths has six general qualities:

APPRECIATION AND AFFECTION    

People in strong families deeply care for one another, and they let each other know this on a regular basis. They are not afraid to express their love.

COMMITMENT  

Members of strong families show a strong commitment to one another, investing time and energy in family activities and not letting their work or other priorities take too much time away from family interaction.

POSITIVE COMMUNICATION    

Successful families are often task-oriented in their communication, identifying problems and discussing how to solve them together. Perhaps even more important than this, however, strong families also spend time talking with and listening to one another just to stay connected. Some of the most important talk occurs when no one is working at connection: open-ended, rambling conversations can reveal important information which helps smooth out the bumps of family living.

ENJOYABLE TIME TOGETHER  

One study of 1,500 schoolchildren asked, "What do you think makes a happy family?" Few replied that money, cars, fancy homes, television sets or Disney World made a happy family. The kids were most likely to say that a happy family is one that does things together, a family that genuinely enjoys the times they share with each other.

SPIRITUAL WELL-BEING     

Religion or spirituality also can be important to strong families. Spiritual well-being describes this concept, indicating that it can include organized religion, but not necessarily so. People describe this in a variety of ways: some talk about faith in God, hope or a sense of optimism in life; some say they feel a oneness with the world. Others talk about their families in almost religious terms, describing the love they feel for one another with a great deal of reverence. Others express these kinds of feelings in terms of ethical values and commitment to important causes. Spiritual well-being can be seen as the caring center within each individual that promotes sharing, love and compassion.

SUCCESSFUL MANAGEMENT OF STRESS AND CRISIS

 Strong families are not immune to stress and crisis, but they are not as crisis-prone as troubled families tend to be. Rather, they possess the ability to manage both daily stressors and difficult life crises creatively and effectively. They know how to prevent trouble before it happens and how to work together to meet challenges when they inevitably occur in life.

FAMILY STRENGTHS

So your children are bored with "nothing to do!" Well, get with it - it's time to do something together as a family. Strong families plan holiday activities and do things together. Family time doesn't have to be elaborate or expensive. Very simple holiday activities often become the most important - laughing together at family jokes, repeating a family ritual year after year and preparing the same type of meal with the same family guests will serve as cherished memories in years to come. Look over this list of activities and see if there are some you already do that could become rituals - and/or select some you want to do for happy future memories.

Service activities - Doing something for others is a good holiday family activity. Working with groups like Scouts, 4-H, Lions, hospital auxiliary, church service committees; helping with campaigns and fund-raising projects; or just being neighbourly, is meaningful work for family togetherness.

<> Dramatic activities - An evening of dramatic games; charades; pantomimes; word games at the dinner table; amateur productions at church, school, community centre; or attending plays together are always possibilities during holidays.

<> Social activities - Family entertaining with cards; board games and group activities for all ages; picnics; reunions; and holiday parties furnish good memories for future days as well as for the present.

<> Physical activities and sports - Play together as a family; outdoor games; skating, hiking, skiing, hunting and dancing will be activities young and old alike will enjoy.

Don't forget to get into family projects around the house or on the farm or grounds of your home - building a needed fence or wall, refinishing furniture or cabinets, painting, landscaping the grounds, putting up a new building - all of these can be family projects that build strengths. Families who do things together stay together. Make holiday time - family time.

Source: Ronald L. Pitzer for Family Information Services, Mpls, MN, (800) 852-8112. ©1991.

 PARENT- AND - CHILD - TOGETHER

Published by: Child Development Programme, Ministry of Education & Development 
P.O. Box HM 1185, Hamilton HM EX 
Telephone: (441) 295-0746 

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